Behind It All
by sasuvonke
Summary: I probably think I’m the most miserable being on the entire village, excluding the Uchiha bastard of course, he’s always miserable. If he’s not, you can never tell. SasuNaru.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Have fun reading.

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**Chapter 1**

A heavy sigh escaped my lips. Walking down the same path to my apartment since I could remember with both my hands in my coat pocket. Despite the somewhat piercing cold weather, quite a few people were still outside bustling from the busy streets doing their own business. A strong gush of wind hit my face and felt like a couple of kunai pierced through my skin making my already red nose and cheeks a new shade of red. Although it's just five in the afternoon, it's already getting dark. Its really obvious that Christmas is just around the corner waiting for the right opportune moment to drag me in an alley, cut open my chest to take out my heart, stitch my open chest shut with rusty needles and barbed wire only to shove my heart in my throat to put it in place back again. You could say by the autumn equinox hit, I'll be no better than all the emo kids in Konoha combined.

Another sigh escaped my lips. I can't but feel depressed. It's the time of year everybody's been waiting for, a time for joyous festivities for family and friends, mostly a time for resolving family issues and family bonding. I ran my tan hand across my blonde hair in an aggravated manner. Although I do have my friends to spend the merry month with but I think it would be best if they spend it with their families. Of course, being a ninja you'd take what you can get for a day off or two. I probably think I'm the most miserable being on the entire village, excluding the Uchiha bastard of course, he's always miserable. If he's not, you can never tell. I sighed once more when I realized that I've reached my desired destination, walks nowadays are becoming shorter with each passing day or maybe its just me brooding all the time. I shuffled through my pockets to find my key, once found with a couple of lint, I inserted it through the awaiting keyhole turning it twice and finally hearing the resounding click that told me that I didn't get the wrong door. I immediately kicked off my shoes to the side before slowly making my way to the telephone to order some Chinese.

It's been like this for a couple of months now. I would order Chinese take out if I'm alone or brooding, it kind of became my comfort blanket aside from ramen of course. Ramen is my air; I can never live without it. No wait, I **can **live without ramen, I just chose not to. After talking to the guy on the phone confirming my orders, I hung up the phone going into my room to change into a white shirt and a pair of orange sweats, not forgetting my nightcap. By settling down into my couch, this is usually the time where I would realize how truly alone I am inside my house. Not only inside my house but me in general. To think I'd been alone for nineteen years already I would have been used to it by now, but no matter how happy I was during the day with my friends I'd always go back alone in my apartment. There is only two ways to stop myself from drowning in self-pity, those are inhaling ramen or inhaling cigarettes.

Since I already ordered Chinese, I decided that maybe smoking would do. I made my way to may room, opened the bottom drawer of my bedside table looking for those cancer sticks that once inhaled makes my body feel like brand new. I opened my bedroom window and sat on the sill; my usual smoking spot, I could see a pile of cigarette butts on the grass below me. I never realized I smoked that much. Placing the stick in between my lips and lighting up the lighter, I inhaled and immediately I feel the nicotine flow through my veins clearing my thoughts like unclogging a stuffed nose. I exhaled the smoke, amusing myself with the gray-ish swirls flowing around my face. Taking another drag I let myself wonder when I first started smoking. I think it was a couple weeks after the Valley of the End incident with Uchiha. I felt so useless and incompetent for not being able to stop the bastard from leaving that I distanced myself from everyone.

Everyone seems to understand that I took it most hard when he left. Because to them, to the villagers and to everybody, they just lost another Uchiha. Hey, they lost whole clan; one more Uchiha gone wouldn't hurt. But to me, I lost a friend, a rival that fights me wholeheartedly and an ear. Yes, the Uchiha no matter how much of a bastard he is undoubtedly is the only person who truly listens and understands how lonely it gets at night, except for Iruka-sensei of course. When he left, I found myself one day in a shabby convenient store paying for a pack of cigarettes. No shit the cashier looked at me like I'm on crack but I'm guessing he thinks that if I get enough of the cigarettes in my system I'd choke one day and die a miserable death. After all, they think I'm Kyuubi. So what better way to get rid of the demon than to give him all the cigarettes he wants and wait until his lungs burn down?

I looked down on my fingers holding the stick noticing a long strip of ash that failed to crumble on its own, I shook my fingers watching as the ashes fell while the wind picking them up. I thought about the first time I got caught smoking. I chuckled as I took a slow drag remembering the time Kakashi-sensei saw me smoking. It had been a relatively long and tiring mission and after separating to go our ways I decided that eating ramen would be nice. While waiting for the old man to make my miso ramen, I snuck out quietly to take a smoke on the dark alley beside the stand. Its half passed nine so, the streets are deserted. I was halfway through my first cigarette when Kakashi saw me taking a drag. Before I could register what was happening, he came up behind me and punched me in the head. The stick on my mouth flew into the air and landed beside Kakashi's foot crushing it with his sandals. Kakashi gave me a good beating, trying to go back to my senses; although he already knew it was too late, but it still didn't stop him from beating me into a damn pulp. Kakashi informed Iruka, being the good sensei that he is. Typically, the next day just as I was about to down the milk carton Iruka came bursting through my apartment door, yelling and screaming right in front of my face. After a couple of minutes of him scolding me at the top of his lungs, my ears went numb and started bleeding. Iruka also knew it was too late, because he knows I'm not the old Naruto anymore.

I'm not the Naruto that gets excited over some little thing like some new ninja technique or rule. Sure, I still act happier than most people but not like the hyperactive twelve year old I used to be. Soon, everybody noticed. They assumed that I just matured. I did matured but not under the circumstances I like to mature in. I matured because I had to, I had no choice or else I'd committed suicide long ago. I took a last drag of the stick and threw it out my window, keeping the smoke in my mouth a little longer than necessary before I exhaled it, feeling my tongue tingling from the prolonged stay of the smoke.

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Author's Note: It's a bit depressing, I know. I'll try to add a bit of fluff or cheer onto the next chapters. Damn, I know you guys are pelting me with tomatoes and other vegetables within your reach but goddamnit stop! I know its far from ha-ha funny but my sense of humour is pretty deranged.

Oh, it doesn't hurt to review or even criticize the fucking story.

Much love,

X Archie =)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Have fun reading. I'm pretty sure almost all of you are pissed at me right now because the genre I put it was romance and humour. It is romance I'll tell you that but my sense of humour is definitely different than what most of you may find funny. The story may not be humorous as in ha-ha funny but it's more of the witty kind of funny.

**Chapter 2**

I stood up stretching and cracking my taut bones I looked at the clock. The weird Chinese guy that delivers the food will be here any minute. Speaking of the devil, a faint knock rang out through my door, opening it paying the man and closing the door without so much of a thank you. I opened the brown paper bag quickly emptying them and started to eat without even bothering to put on plates. I mean, I am alone and I'm going to end up with a pile of unwashed and dirty dishes. So, why bother? I noticed, after taking my fourth bite of the chow mien, that I got two pieces of fortune cookies.

"Great," mumbling to myself. "Like I need two pieces of cookies to tell me how fortunate I am."

Nonetheless, I keep eating only stopping for a drink of milk. I love milk, I don't know why but I love it. Even though Sasuke returned to Konoha, more like dragged, I still distanced myself with everybody. Except for the bastard. No matter how hard I try to tell myself that the bastard shouldn't be trusted and shouldn't be forgiven too easily, I can't seem to follow. It's as if not forgiving Sasuke would be the reason for not having a peaceful night of sleep.

I still remember the day he entered the gates of Konoha once more, that was four years after he left. Team 7, which was consisted of me, Sakura, Sai and Kakashi-sensei, had just got back from a small mission. It was just a delivery of some scroll and took only a couple of days. We were about to separate our own ways when I saw him in all his Uchiha glory walking like he owns the place. He actually came back on his own goddamn free will. We can tell that he wasn't here to fight. He was just there, walking, entering the village like he had been back from a mission. Before I could go and beat the shit out of him, Kakashi-sensei and a couple of guards surrounded him. Uchiha didn't even resisted when he got arrested and was led to the Hokage Tower. When he was being led away, I saw his neck devoid of the cursed seal. I was surprised. Although I never gave up on the bastard, I was sure as hell assuming that after he'd kill Orochimaru and his brother, he'd never come back; and yet here he is, contradicting my thoughts once more. Tsunade and the elders wanted Sasuke to leave the village being considered a traitor and all, but Uchiha had begged and pleaded from what I heard and came up with a bargain that both the bastard and Tsunade agreed on. Kakashi-sensei told us that it was a year of probation, no missions and shit, and a year and a half of heavy surveillance from jounins. The bastard deserved it.

Realizing I finished eating my chow mien, I took a healthy gulp of cold milk quenching my thirst. Giving out a contented sigh, I reached out on one of the fortune cookies. Hurriedly opening the packaging, I cracked the cookie in the middle revealing a strip of white paper. Taking out the paper, I placed half the cookie on my mouth and started nibbling on the somewhat sugary crisp.

"Hands that touch this slip of paper will never wash dishes," I read aloud. "Damn straight I'll never wash dishes." Chiding to myself. Hell, I don't need a slip of paper to confirm that I don't wash the dishes. My sink has enough proof of that. Shaking my head of how stupid the slip of paper contained, I reached for the other one.

"There is true and sincere friendship between you both." My breath hitched for some reason and I felt my chest tighten.

Sincere friendship, huh? No shit. If you can't call practically tearing the limbs of the bastard just to bring him back home true friendship, then I don't know what is. The first few months of the bastard's probation were somewhat hard on everyone. The villagers were against him being allowed to stay and the bastard would ignore the rest of the world and stay cooped up in that lonely big ass house of his. I can't say that it's a home because everybody knows its not, it's just a house. A big ass, goddamn house to accommodate his living needs. Then I find myself coming over to the bastard's place every single day. I would knock on the door, he would open up just to see who was knocking, we would stare at each other for a good half hour, he would nod, I would nod then I'll leave. It's fucking retarded and no doubt weird, but I think it's our way of acknowledging each other. I think it's my way of telling him that I'm slowly but surely forgiving and trusting him.

This strange activity went on for half a year before he actually said my name and let me inside the house. After letting me in he would sit on the couch, me sitting on the other end, we would stare at each other for a good moment, then he would offer drink, I would decline sometimes accepting, then silence would engulf our thoughts. We both didn't mind the silence, the silence was not unpleasant but it wasn't comfortable either; it was just plain silence. The fucked up part was that, there were a couple of guards watching us from behind. Then after an hour or two, I would nod, he would nod then I would leave. It's a shitty way to hang out but that's how two emotionally challenged sixteen-year-old ninjas hang out. That's the way we are.

Not long though, we had our first heart to heart conversation. It's fucking embarrassing with two jounins watching and listening all throughout the whole ordeal. He told me why he left hoping that I would understand; I did, he told me of his tribulation with Orochimaru, he told me the guy was seriously fucked up but not to be taken lightly, he told me he went through a lot of shit and torture before actually having to kill the guy. He told me that killing Itachi wasn't as fulfilling as he thought it would be. He told me having his brother in his arms fighting death he felt nothing. He told me three days after killing his brother he collapsed from fatigue at some part of the forest and cried for the longest time since the massacre of his clan. He told me he didn't knew the reason why he cried, he just did. He told me the reason he came back was because of me.

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Author's Note: Not exactly what you would call fluff, but hey, I'm trying. Hope you didn't get too bored with it. The fortune cookies were actually the inspiration for this fic; that's what I had.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Here you go. The last chapter. I hope you enjoyed staying with me. I certainly enjoyed myself writing this.

**Chapter 3**

Finishing up my food, I hastily threw away the empty containers and wiped the wooden dining table clean. Surprising, isn't it? With a loudmouth, hyperactive ball of sugar you'd thought my place would resemble a sewer stuffed into a box, a very small box. But no, I like to keep my apartment and belongings neat and tidy. Everybody assumed that since I've been living alone all my life, I wouldn't know any chores or wouldn't even know how to hold a brush, but isn't being alone all the more reason to learn that stuff?

It's official. I have gone crazy and it's all because of Uchiha's fault. Why? Because aside from being a humungous bastard he's also self-centred, conceited, vain and an asshole that never fails to clog my mind. I sighed, going to my room reaching for my cigarettes. I opened my window but instead of sitting down I climbed out and made my way to my roof. The salvation that is my roof; also one of my smoking spots. I could also see a growing pile of cigarette butts. I took one stick and placed one in between my lips and lighted it. I took a relaxing drag the nicotine proving its worth once again. Sakura often asks me why I keep insisting on smoking, I simply say I'm addicted and couldn't stop. Of course she believes it, she doesn't see through my well-worn mask after all. If you ask me why I can't stop I'll probably shrug at you and say the same and you wouldn't realize I've been telling you lies. Honestly, I smoke because it makes me feel human, it makes me feel like I'm always relaxed and rejuvenated. As fucked up and retarded it may sound, smoking makes me happy. Truly happy. That's why I can't just give up on cigarettes because that would mean giving up my source of consistent happiness.

Exhaling the smoke out of my mouth I suddenly remembered the reason of my late night rooftop gallivanting. Uchiha Sasuke.

"Damn bastard." I grumbled under my breath. The bastard was probably sleeping like a log and I'm here on my rooftop smoking like a chimney alone with him plaguing my thoughts.

The Uchiha had been on my mind since he unravelled his reason for returning. After that fateful day, he had been nice and caring almost showing the signs of courtship and surprisingly enough, every time we would hang out it wasn't awkward or forced, it came natural for us to be together. Although, when I confronted him he just shrugged and told me he was trying to be nice for a change and yet he still can't give his fangirl's the time of day. Poor souls. I inhaled of what was left of my stick, quickly pulling out another one from the pack. Hot damn, the Uchiha is driving me insane. One moment I freak out when he's around and blush like a giggling schoolgirl and the next moment I feel like castrating the guy. I mean, its not as if I love him or anything.

After having that thought, it's as if a light bulb went up in head. Love? I've never loved anyone. Maybe except for Iruka but still, that's different. Do I really love the bastard? Have I been in love when I forgave him too easily? Have I been deluding myself from the truth all this time?

"Sweet suffering holy fucking Jesus." I sighed. "Damn, I am in love with the bastard."

"So, you're in love with me huh?" A low baritone voice came out from behind me. I stiffened when I immediately recognized who it was. "Took you long enough to figure it out." He chuckled softly as he sat beside me, taking a cigarette from my pack placing it in his mouth and lighted it. I watched in awe as he took a slow drag; I mean, I never even looked that cool when I smoke.

"Uh-huh." I replied being the eloquent person that I am. Wondering to myself why he was here in my rooftop.

"Good, because I love you too." He took one last drag before exhaling the smoke and facing me. Before I could even say anything or retort for that matter he pulled me by my shirt, placing me in his lap and nuzzled my neck. I shivered as I felt his hot breath on the back of my neck, giving me goose bumps.

"Oi, bastard?" I somewhat managed to ask in a not so squeal-ish manner. He gave me no verbal answer but he did but on the junction of my neck and shoulder making me moan softly. Taking that as his signal for me to go on, I continued.

"What were doing in my rooftop?" He bit the same spot again making me hiss from the slight pain and then licked the red mark making eyes lull at the back of my head.

"I couldn't sleep so I decided to take a walk." He continued giving me hickeys all over my neck and shoulders. I sighed in content, I feel like a puddle.

"And then?" I asked, easing from his embrace slightly and turned my body around to face him wrapping my legs on his waist. He caressed my cheeks before leaning into my whisper, his hot breath tickling my ear sending me into another fit of goose bumps.

"And then, I saw you smoking like there's no tomorrow." He bit my earlobe making me moan from pure bliss. For a guy that never went out with anybody before, Sasuke sure knew how to please.

"Then what?" I wrapped my arms around his neck, whatever gap was between us was now gone. Feeling Sasuke's warm body pressed against mine made me feel human. It made me feel happy.

"Then I decided to bother you, hoping that I could get you to spar with me." He lowered his face facing mine, his lips gently brushing against my own. He smelt of tobacco and I was sure I do as well. "But this is way better than sparring." He then leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.

For once in a very long time, my mind was free of all thoughts and worries. Only two things that ran in my mind and those were Sasuke Uchiha and cigarettes. Comparing the two, I concluded Uchiha was way better than any form of nicotine.


End file.
